Bring It On Stroke Rehab!

I opened my eyes for the first time the morning of Saturday, October 26.  I had pictured it as a large rectangular room with my bed in the center, the sitting area to my right, and the door, bathroom and nurses station all to my left.  There was constantly a light on that no one ever shut off in my room which drove me absolutely crazy!  In actuality my room was a small square big enough to fit my bed and about 3 feet all the way around it.  The sink was to my right, the bathroom in the back corner, and the front of my room was all glass with a curtain covering it.  The nurses computer was right at the entrance of the room and the ICU station was directly past the glass.  The constant light was from what the curtain didn't cover from the nurses ICU station. 

I immediately knew that my vision had been affected by my stroke.  I first classified my vision as having two different depth perceptions.  My depth perception was affected but I soon came to classify it more as looking through a kaleidoscope.  When asked to follow an object with my eyes, I could not get my right eye to look all the way to the right.  It would bounce once it hit mid-line.  It was clear though.  I just saw many different images of one thing!

It was my goal on Saturday to open my eyes and gradually sit up to a seated position.  So every half an hour I raised my bed a little more, slowly testing the limits of my nausea.  I had been laying for so long that it was quite a head rush each time I did it.  I just wanted my family and friends to see improvement when they arrived.  I was going to give everything I had to show them some sign that I was going to be okay.

My family and friends arrived shortly after I finished my NLXF post.  I shared how I felt with them and recounted the last couple of days.  I am happy to this day that I had my eyes shut the entire first day.  I could hear and sense anguish in my family, but I didn't have to see it written all over their faces.  Saturday was a different story.  I could see the pain, the worry, the wishful smiles, and the tears.  All I wanted to do was comfort them and give them hope but I struggled to do both because of my physical limitations.  I had to rely on my words and show them my inner strength instead.  It is very hard to do that when you are used to keeping relatively private and shy about everything.  But I had too.

I spent the rest of the day watching the Hawks, visiting with friends and family, and being assessed by the doctors and nurses constantly.  I was starving!  I specifically remember asking Patrick if we could go to Ferrari's when we left the U of I!  I was not allowed to have even a drink of water up to this point.   Eventually I had a swallow test completed.  She made me eat pears...YUCK!  But I was so hungry I ate them.  The swallow tech completely freaked out my family because she was not sure I was swallowing right.  I wasn't....I was so hungry I was inhaling it instead of chewing and swallowing the way I was supposed to.  She cleared me for soft foods though.  I finally got to eat yogurt, applesauce, ice cream, and drinks!  It had never tasted so good.

Throughout the day Patrick had been reading me the comments from our original post on Facebook and others that were posted on our walls.  He also told me what everyone back home was doing for us and the girls in our absence.  I was so overwhelmed with gratitude.  Everyone had stepped out later that night to let me rest.  Our girls had come down with Patrick's sister to visit our family in town so Patrick had went to see them.  It was impossible to sleep.  In addition to being uncomfortable, I just couldn't turn my head off until I had thanked everyone.  I tried to pick up my iPad but I couldn't hold it with my left hand to type with my right.  I couldn't hold it with my right hand because my left hand couldn't function enough to press the letters on the screen.  I finally just called in my brother.  I asked him because I knew he would be the only one strong enough to hold it together as I spoke.  I needed someone to be strong so that I could be strong.

I had him type the Facebook post below.  My original intention was for my entire post to just be the first paragraph.  But once I had said that, more just kept coming out.  I was so impressed by Patrick's strength but I knew deep down he was terrified.  I wanted people to pray for him.  By this time I already had numerous doctors tell me that my physical condition saved my life and that was going to make recovery much easier.  Most of all, I wanted to let people know where my head was at.  I was faced with a fight or flight situation and I was damn sure choosing to fight.

This post was also the first time I mentioned my new motto to everyone which has since inspired the name of my blog.  Do Better.  Be Better.  The kindness, willingness to help, the prayers; EVERYTHING that people were doing for us just made me want to do better and be better as a person.  Their goodness inspired me and motivated me to change for the better even though I was living the most horrific moments of my life.  That is the most special gift that my stroke has given me.

Facebook post from October 26, 2013

I wanted to say thank you to all my family and friends. Your generosity and kindness has overwhelmed me. I have been praying that God saves a special place for all of you in His kingdom. You have motivated me to do better and be better. I am starting today. I love you all. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

I am lucky that the man I married still gives me goosebumps with a single touch. Unlike me, he was acutely aware and conscious throughout this entire ordeal. He has proved to me over and over again that he is stronger than even he believes himself to be. But even the strongest people need help and support. I ask that you lift him up with your prayers just as much as you do me. He is my everything.

I have learned that your body is an amazing communicator. I had symptoms for three days before this happened that I ignored because I had "other" things to do. What was I thinking?
Those of you who know me know that I have changed my lifestyle in the last year. My doctors have told me that it may have saved my life. They are amazed with my physical strength and mental toughness. I challenge you to make those same changes in your life. Do it now, don't wait. There is no excuse. Live the first chance you have at life to the fullest instead of hoping that you get a second chance to do it.
I'm scared. I'm really scared. I'm worried. I'm really worried. But I'm also a fighter. My husband and parents like to call that "being a stubborn little shit." My brother Nathan likes to call it "bossy and impatient." Whatever you want to call it, I'm ready to fight. I'm ready to fight with all I have. So bring it on stroke rehab, because I'm coming for ya.
Scribbled by little brother Nathan.