NLXF Potluck: Adopt-A-Family Announcement

After having the pleasure of awarding another Do Better. Be Better. award, I was able to speak on behalf of the Adopt-A-Family program.  Below is my speech that was not caught on video.  And the gift I gave Downs was a Chicago Cubs bro tank.

I am not going to spend time talking about my stroke or my condition as I am sure many of you have already heard about it.  Plus, there are more important things to talk about.

 Exactly one year ago, I spoke at my first potluck since having my stroke.  10 days after that, I delivered Myah, our beautiful baby girl.  10 days from now, Myah will celebrate her first birthday and I will be undergoing eye muscle surgery to correct the double vision that still remains from my stroke.

 The last 17 1/2 months have been challenging.  Through it all, I have had many "why me" type of moments.  It is a very unusual and difficult place to be in--to try and figure out what the purpose of your life is.  I have really struggled to do that.

Until last December.  It was a Saturday night and we had just gotten the kids to bed.  I opened up Facebook and read the latest update of my friend whose son is battling cancer.  

And this is where the video picks up.

This is what can happen when a group of people that sweat together decide to Do Better. Be Better. Making 4 families lives a little brighter. #nlxf #adoptafamily
Posted by Nicki Johnson on Friday, March 27, 2015

First, you changed my life.  Then, you helped save my life.  Now, you are helping me change other people's lives.  Thank you Ryan Downs. 

Master of Distraction

I went to bed at 9:45 tonight.  I laid there, with my mind racing for 45 minutes, before I gave up on the idea of sleep.  

I had a long week of organizing everything that has become 'Do Better.  Be Better.'  The NLXF potluck speech and award, scholarship deadlines, selection committees, speeches, and award design, everything that is Adopt-A-Family.......plus I work full time and am a mother of four.  I am not complaining for all of the aforementioned are the greatest blessings.  I do, however, need to apologize to everyone involved in these efforts.  My GSD was over the top the last week and I am so sorry to cause you all stress.

It dawned on me tonight that I have become the master of distraction. If I am worried, stressed, or fearful about something going on in my life I dive head first into anything that will help me take my mind off of it.  I tuck the scary stuff away and consume myself with whatever will keep it stowed there the longest.  This week the lucky distraction was 'Do Better.  Be Better.'

What am I really worried about?  Eye muscle surgery.  Apparently way more worried than I was letting myself admit, considering I am sobbing as I write this.

My eye muscle surgery is on Tuesday.  This is an extremely common surgery and really is the best option to fix my eye and double vision.  Best case scenario is that my double vision would be completely corrected.  Worst case scenario is that I will still have slight double vision and will be able to have a lower strength prism ground in to my glasses so I no longer need to use the stick-on prism.  

I am most frightened by being put under.  All of my doctors, including my neurosurgeon, have agreed that the anesthesia will not harm me.  17 1/2 months ago I would have trusted in that. 17 1/2 months ago I believed without a doubt that everything in life would just work out.  My blind faith in life has been replaced by doubt.  That is a tough pill for me to swallow at times.

Tuesday also happens to be Myah's first birthday. I know she will not remember any of this and we have plans to celebrate her birthday earlier.  Myah's birth was beautiful and I want her first birthday to be just as special.  I am fearful that my eye surgery could ruin it for her.  Those of you that are parents may understand that reasoning.

But Myah is our lucky little girl.  Born on April 7 at 12:07 a.m., weighing 7 lbs. 7 oz.  The number 7 has great significance in the Bible.  I believe God sent us a message through all those sevens and I have to believe that is why April 7 happened to be the open date for my surgery.

I would appreciate a bit more luck though.  Prayers, wishing on stars, crossing your fingers, superstitions...whatever you all have, pull out all the stops please!

And here is to hoping that I can now return to bed with a clear mind and a little bit more peace about Tuesday than I had an hour ago.