Growing up I always had a plan. I would go to college, get a job, get married, have kids.....my whole life planned out and completely on track. Then I had a stroke. Needless to say, the plan changed a bit and had to be rewritten. And did I ever rewrite it. Everything was falling in to place.
Then I had another stroke. And the train went off the tracks again. This time I would even say that it fell down the cliff a little bit. The last three weeks have been a struggle and now I find myself on the eve of brain surgery.
I am having brain surgery tomorrow.
Earlier this afternoon I was trying to figure out what I was going to write tonight and the only thing coming out was, "I'm having brain surgery tomorrow." I mean, what else more is there to say than that? Since then we met with Dr. Spetzler and discussed the procedure in detail and every possible outcome that could happen. So what are those outcomes? I couldn't tell you. Until I wake up tomorrow night I will have no idea if my entire CM has been removed or what kind of recovery I am looking at.
"The only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability."
-Remy, Ratatouille
Ain't that the truth?
Here's what I do know: Dr. Spetzler walked into the office to talk with us today, shook my hand, and said, "Well you look a lot better than your scans do." To which I responded, "A lot of people tell me that."
A whole bunch of really scary stuff was explained to Patrick and I today during that meeting. But, that one sentence is the only thing that matters to me. That sentence showed me that I am already beating the odds. I am a surprise to the top neurosurgeon in the United States. That is the motivation that I will carry with me in these upcoming weeks.
So, I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening enjoying my family. I arrived back to our condo to the warm welcome of my brother, who flew down here to surprise me. I had a great phone call with my sister, a wonderful supper, and I got to speak with Patrick's brother and sisters.
We also got to Face Time with the girls. They were so excited to see us. Myah just kept screaming Mommy and Daddy and waving at the screen. We talked to all of them for a bit, ending with Myah holding the iPad. We said goodbye and she started to cry. She continued to say no over and over again. It KILLED me. I had a split second where I asked myself if I was making the right decision.
But, I know I am making the right decision. My family and friends tell me I am making the right decision. The top neurosurgeon is telling me I am making the right decision. I am going to have this surgery, it is going to go well, I am going to survive the hell week that follows, and the intense rehab schedule for as long as I need too. I got this.
So picture me this:
I'm sitting in bed, with my best friend Angie (who flew down here for my surgery), typing this blog, watching American Idol (go LaPortia), while she hammers wine and I hammer water, talking about how we could have never guessed that we would find ourselves here. It's not everyday you go have brain surgery!!
Before I sign off for awhile, I have a couple favors to ask of you:
Please like "Love for the Smiths" on Facebook. I went to college with Natalie and Chris and their son, Jace, needs all the prayers we can give him.
And selfishly, please send up a whole lotta prayers for me for tomorrow. My surgery is at 10 am Iowa time. Please pray for Dr. Spetzler and his entire team to be on top of their game, for my CM to be completely removed, and for the best possible prognosis for me for when I awake.
LET'S DO THIS.
P.S. Patrick will be in charge of the blog while I am on the injured reserve. We will try to update as much as we can .
