I had a long week of organizing everything that has become 'Do Better. Be Better.' The NLXF potluck speech and award, scholarship deadlines, selection committees, speeches, and award design, everything that is Adopt-A-Family.......plus I work full time and am a mother of four. I am not complaining for all of the aforementioned are the greatest blessings. I do, however, need to apologize to everyone involved in these efforts. My GSD was over the top the last week and I am so sorry to cause you all stress.
It dawned on me tonight that I have become the master of distraction. If I am worried, stressed, or fearful about something going on in my life I dive head first into anything that will help me take my mind off of it. I tuck the scary stuff away and consume myself with whatever will keep it stowed there the longest. This week the lucky distraction was 'Do Better. Be Better.'
What am I really worried about? Eye muscle surgery. Apparently way more worried than I was letting myself admit, considering I am sobbing as I write this.
My eye muscle surgery is on Tuesday. This is an extremely common surgery and really is the best option to fix my eye and double vision. Best case scenario is that my double vision would be completely corrected. Worst case scenario is that I will still have slight double vision and will be able to have a lower strength prism ground in to my glasses so I no longer need to use the stick-on prism.
I am most frightened by being put under. All of my doctors, including my neurosurgeon, have agreed that the anesthesia will not harm me. 17 1/2 months ago I would have trusted in that. 17 1/2 months ago I believed without a doubt that everything in life would just work out. My blind faith in life has been replaced by doubt. That is a tough pill for me to swallow at times.
Tuesday also happens to be Myah's first birthday. I know she will not remember any of this and we have plans to celebrate her birthday earlier. Myah's birth was beautiful and I want her first birthday to be just as special. I am fearful that my eye surgery could ruin it for her. Those of you that are parents may understand that reasoning.
But Myah is our lucky little girl. Born on April 7 at 12:07 a.m., weighing 7 lbs. 7 oz. The number 7 has great significance in the Bible. I believe God sent us a message through all those sevens and I have to believe that is why April 7 happened to be the open date for my surgery.
I would appreciate a bit more luck though. Prayers, wishing on stars, crossing your fingers, superstitions...whatever you all have, pull out all the stops please!
And here is to hoping that I can now return to bed with a clear mind and a little bit more peace about Tuesday than I had an hour ago.
Hi Jamie! I hope that your eye muscle surgery went well. Knowing that you need to undergo such procedure can really bring nervousness to you, but it's totally worth everything. I just hope that you're faring great, and that your surgery was a success. Thanks for sharing that! All the best to you!
ReplyDeleteBarton Levesque @ Glenmore Vision Center