Facebook post from Patrick on January 31, 2014
So very proud of my wife, Jamie Smith, as she finished her last day of physical and occupational therapy at Covenant Rehabilitation today. Thankful for the talented and skilled staff that cared for her over the past three months. She finished her testing today and in her words she "killed it". So much improvement, so much to look forward to. Blessed! GSD!
After our neurology appointment we went to the neuro-opthamology tech. This was an appointment that we scheduled on our own because I felt as though my eye had improved and I needed a prism that was less in strength. I was beginning to see a lot of the lines from the prism in my entire field of vision and a lot of the light was looking like rainbows. It was not like that when I got it on December 26. I was right and went home with a prism one step down. It was the best day of appointments that we had experienced since my stroke occurred October 25.
The next day I had realized that I had not ever written about my improvements over the last three months. The last week had been cause for major celebration in this crazy journey and I wanted to share it.
Facebook post from February 4, 2014
I completed outpatient therapy on Friday and had a positive neurology checkup on Monday. Each week I journal all the improvements I have noticed. I realized that although I have posted about much of my journey, I have never specifically posted about where I started and where I am currently. So here it goes from head to toe!
My head in the beginning: I had tingling in my face from my nose down and my left ear had hearing loss. I could not chew food on the right side of my mouth because it was like my jaw didn't move right. I would look at items with my head shifted to the side thinking I was looking straight ahead. I had facial droop on the entire right side of my face that my doctors called "slight". I would have classified it as major.
My head now: All of these symptoms are gone except for I would now classify my facial droop as slight.
My eyes in the beginning: My right eye was affected by my stroke. When asked to "follow my pen", my right eye would not move past midpoint and would cicade or bounce. My vision was like looking through a kaleidoscope. I went a week and a half refusing to wear anything to correct my vision. I wanted to challenge my eyes so that they would get stronger faster. Eventually the nausea I experienced constantly became too much to handle and affected my therapy too much. I first got a solid eye patch and when one eye was covered, my vision would be clear and normal. I would switch it from eye to eye. About three weeks after my stroke, my right eye began to turn in completely towards my nose. Four weeks after my stroke, my patch was replaced with a film. This allowed for more light to reach my eye and did not impair my vision as much. Two months after my stroke, I received a prism for my lens. My prism is a sticker on the inside of my lens that refracts light to stop my double vision.
My eyes now: The bounce in my eye is gone and from what others tell me, my eyes track like normal. My right eye is still slightly turned in and I still see double. However, my double vision has gotten better. I was able to get a lesser strength prism on Monday.
My left arm and left leg in the beginning: My arm and leg were extremely stiff, heavy, and hypersensitive. I could best describe them as feeling like tree trunks laced with nails. Anything that touched me felt like ice and would send intense tingling down my body. Since I felt so heavy, I would tip to my left side and my balance was severely impaired. My sensory input was also impaired. If my left arm/leg was put in to a certain position while my eyes were closed I could not mimic it with my right side. I could not tell whether my extremities were bent, straight, resting on something, covered, etc. unless I was looking at them. If I was asked to close my eyes and hold my arms, palms up, straight out in front of me, I couldn't keep my left arm still like I was supposed to. The crazy thing was, I had no idea it was moving! I also could not touch my left pointer finger to my nose to someone else's finger. My hand/arm would waiver all over the place and I could not pinpoint my touch. Everything, even as light as a fork, felt like it weighed fifty pounds. I could not tell how much pressure I was putting on my arm or leg so I would fall if I was resting on my left hand or forearm. My hip would drop out or my ankle would roll out if my weight was on my left leg. I really had to learn how my muscles flexed and where my pressure points were so that I could mimic my right side and reteach my left side how to move.
My left arm and leg now: I am still stiff, but would classify it more like my limbs being made of rubber. They can move well, but the movement is still a bit restricted, rigid, and heavy. I am no longer hypersensitive, but do have slight tingling on my left side. I can now tell when my limbs are bent, etc. I only have slight clumsiness when I point from nose to finger and slight wavering when my arms are out in front of me. I still can't feel that though. I can now sense weight on my arm and leg. So I can rest on my palm without falling and balance on my left leg near perfectly. Things are still a bit more heavy, but not so bad. I can carry in four bags on groceries with my left arm so I think I am doing pretty well
My left hand and foot in the beginning: My hand was useless. My fingers felt like wooden spoons. I couldn't pick up anything. If I did pick something up, it would take SO much focus and I could maybe hold it for five seconds before I would drop it. My in-hand manipulation, the ability to rotate things in your hand, was non-existent. I would have to move my entire arm in crazy ways to try to place something how I needed to. I could not move my fingers separate from one another. They would always move as five. I had virtually no sensation. Unless I was looking at it, I couldn't tell its shape, texture, or size. For example, I couldn't tell if I was wearing my wedding ring or not. I couldn't tell if my fingers were bent or straight. My foot was much the same. I still had good mobility but I couldn't sense when I was hitting the floor with my heal, my toes, or the side of my foot. Unless I looked, I wouldn't have been able to tell you if I had socks or shoes on. I had to really focus on how my leg moved and pushing my big toe to the floor so my ankle was protected.
My left hand and foot now: I still struggle with some fine motor things, but eventually can complete it. I am beginning to gain my in hand manipulation back. I would classify my stiffness like rubber. My hand is beginning to move just as quickly and efficiently as my left and I can do it without even thinking about it. I can sense things with my hand and foot although it is still diluted a bit. I can sense my ring but not enough to trust myself to know if it fell off. I feel in my left hand and foot like all of you feel when you have on thin gloves or socks.
To give you an even clearer picture:
* Grip strength: 23 lbs. of pressure to 75 lbs. (my right squeezes 85 lbs.)
* 9 hole peg test (primarily tests in-hand manipulation and finger grip): Completed with modifications in 4 minutes 5 seconds. Finished with no modifications and using natural in-hand manipulation in 50 seconds ( right hand-14 seconds).
* Couldn't walk to balancing on foam rollers while catching a ball. I was told on Friday that I can do more than most "healthy" people especially considering my growing belly!
* Unable to open the dishwasher or fridge because I couldn't wrap my fingers around the handle and the door was too heavy. Now I can be holding something with my left thumb, pointer finger, and tall finger and still have enough strength my my ring finger and pinky to open those doors.
* Folding clothes, tying shoes, zipping coats, and using hair ties were impossible or very difficult. Now, I pound all of this out just as quickly as I used to.
* Typing was impossible. Today I can type at about 75% of what I used to. My ring finger and pinky finger still struggle so typing a and s is awful. Do you even realize how many words have the letter a or s in them?!
* I went from napping nearly every free minute I had to having pretty normal energy for a pregnant lady!
* I went from hardly pregnant to very pregnant
I have come a LONG way. Focusing on all theses improvements keeps me motivated and positive. If I had one complaint about my entire journey it would be the lack of celebration from my medical team. My therapists are all about celebration so it is easy to stay excited about recovery. My actual doctors are awful at it though. For example, Monday my prism went from 30 to 25. My eye technician treated it like a waste of her time. I am sure it was to her, but it wasn't to me. Improvement is improvement. Better is better.
So after this very long post I want to challenge you to celebrate all the improvements in your life, no matter how big or small. I am beginning to see that constant celebration of improvement motivates me to keep getting better. If I think, "This got better, but it still wasn't what I hoped for", I completely overlook my hard work and negate the importance of the improvement. Improvement is like the NLXF push-up pyramid--it is a marathon, not a sprint. The first time you do the pyramid, you may complete only half the reps and remain on your knees The next time you complete all the reps on your knees. The time after that you complete half of them on your knees and half on your toes. Eventually you are completing every rep on your toes. Until that last time, you are not where you wish you were, but do you ignore your effort and improvement each time? No! Because it was really freaking hard and you know it and you are proud of it. That is how I think of my stroke. I am not where I need to be but I am not going to diminish any improvement I experience because every step I take is getting me to my end result. Improvement is improvement. Better is better.
Do better. Be better. Every minute of every day.
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