I have been very honest about how I have struggled to remain faithful and trusting in God. It is especially hard when people offer that "God only gives you what you can handle," or "He only gives hardship to those that are strong." I understand that people are just trying to offer me comfort and compliment me on my strength, but I DO NOT believe any of that. How unfair is that? If I am strong, I shouldn't be punished with pain and heartache. I have felt intense anger and betrayal towards Him at times. I often blamed Him for what has happened. Why did He do this to me? Why did He do this to my family? What did I do to deserve it? I have been participating in an inner battle to try to remain steadfast in my faith despite all the heartache I have been experiencing.
I was thinking today about my improvements and the aforementioned inner battle when it suddenly dawned on me. The God I worship and believe in would not have hurt me like this. He would not have sacrificed Himself for my sins and then turned around and subjected me to pain. Instead He would listen, protect me, guide me, and offer me strength.
Who is to blame then? The devil? It is the only evil that I can imagine that would be strong enough to break my faith. He does his best to test me, break me, and hurt me. He is responsible, not God.
God is not to blame. I am right to trust Him. In my times of heartache He is there to comfort and lift me up. He asks to take the load from me when it becomes to much to bear. Sometimes I need to surrender it to him until I am ready to take it back.
So, I leave you with a verse that I read everyday. It has given me so much strength the last five months and reminds me to remain faithful in Him.
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