Returning to Exercise

I started exercising again at the end of May.  Granted, I am not in that NLXF room everyday, but I am at least moving again.  Wow, have I missed it.

I have quickly realized that I am going to need to train my leg how to run again.  My movement is jerky and it feels like I am just dragging it along because it is so heavy.  So, I am training it on the elliptical.  It mimics the movement of running, offers me support under my legs, and allows for me to hold on so I do not lose my balance.  It feels natural. I take it slow and wear my heart rate monitor. The best part: my stiffness actually feels a bit better when I finish.

I also strength train a little.  I have even started taking the NLXF classes that do not involve a lot of cardio.  To be in that room again is so uplifting and encouraging.  I have missed the atmosphere so much.  Being there makes me feel like my old self.  But it has been challenging.  It is difficult to hold the dumbbell because my wrist lacks sensation.  Also, much like my leg, my arm movement is jerky.  Anytime I extend my arm straight up, out, or forward I lose awareness of where it is at in relation to my body and it just shakes.  It feels like what you would feel like if you were fatigued and still tried to lift a heavy weight.  I found that using resistance bands works much better for me to focus on control and form.  I do not lift anything over 10 lbs.  I don't want to push myself too hard too fast.  The last thing I need right now is an injury because I let my ego get in the way.

Why am I so excited about being able to exercise?

1. I have always been a person that genuinely loves to exercise and just stay active.  I rarely sit and relax.  To have that taken away so abruptly and definitively was tough to swallow.  I felt like a major part of me was taken away.  I feel like I am getting a piece of me back.

2. The only "me" time I get is during a workout.  It is the only time where my priority is just to be "Jamie."  I shut my mind off, burn stress, and just enjoy it.  During that hour being me comes before being a wife, mother, and teacher.  A workout is the only hour of the day that happens.

3. The harder the workout, the more I loved it.  There is nothing more gratifying than achieving something you didn't think possible.  To complete a difficult task physically is one thing, but to complete it because you are mentally strong is another.

It has been an amazing feeling to return to exercise.  If I am being truthful, it has also been heartbreaking.  I always go to the gym during an NLXF class time.  So I always have to separate from Patrick and my friends when class starts.  I go to the other side, jump on the elliptical and listen to the NLXF class and daydream about being able to do it again.  Then, because I am insanely bored on the elliptical, I watch other people kill treadmill workouts and put up massive weight and I long to be able to do that again.

In the matter of an hour I probably say close to a hundred, "That used to be me's" or "I wish I could do that again's."  But, I am seven months out from a stroke, eight weeks post delivery, and I am exercising.  A very smart person told me once that progress is all that matters.

I should be saying THAT WILL BE ME AGAIN.