Seven Month Anniversary

It has been seven months since I had my stroke.  It would be easy to assume that time would just crawl since I am impatient with the speed of my recovery.  But, to be honest, the last seven months have been the fastest of my entire life.  There was a lot to keep me busy: rehabilitation and recovery, the holidays, my pregnancy and delivery of Myah, and the onset of summer.  It is only going to get busier and life is only going to go faster.  I have to constantly remind myself to stop and open my eyes to the beauty in my life.

As with last months update, I feel my recovery slowing down.  I continue to make small improvements, but they would not be noticeable to all of you.  The greatest difference this month has been with the way that I feel.  The stiffness and heaviness on my left side has improved slightly.  The most noticeable change is that I no longer experience tingling or increased stiffness when I exercise, tire, or have Patrick rub my feet or neck.  (Yes, he is AMAZING!)  It all stays the same which is incredibly positive.

My sensation is still diluted.  I have been wearing flip flops since the weather changed and it was challenging the first few days to keep it on my left foot.  I had to remind myself to flex my toes because my toes couldn't sense on their own if they were flexing or not.  I also tried on heels for the first time to prepare myself for wedding season.  It felt like I was walking on stilts since the sensation is decreased in my foot, ankle, and knee.  My gait is now normal with my flip flops since I have been wearing them often.  I hope that with practice I can train my leg to stabilize in heels.  Because of my decreased sensation, it is still difficult to run because my leg feels so heavy.  It feels like it doesn't bend at the knee as much as my right leg; in actuality, it really does.  Plus, it feels 20 pounds heavier than my right leg.  As a result, I feel like I am limping and dragging my leg all at the same time as I run.

My fine motor function in my left hand is still improving.  My hand is stiff, but it doesn't stop me from doing anything.  All I need at times is just a little bit of extra time.  I have actually begun typing my posts.  I still have to delete much more often than I used to, but it really doesn't take me that much longer.  The strength in my hand and wrist is also improving.  I did 12 lb. bicep curls the other day which I was very proud of.  That is a far cry from what I used to pull, but my wrist was stable and my fingers did not struggle to grip the weight.  I will get there.  I just have to stay patient.

I had an eye appointment on the 19th.  My right eye is still off center slightly (40 degree misalignment) and I still have double vision without my prism.  My double vision improved slightly but not enough to go down in prism strength.  They did give me a 15 strength to take home since I do not have another appointment until August.  We spent most of the appointment discussing eye muscle surgery to re-center my eye and correct my double vision.  I will know more specifics on that after the August appointment.

I have begun to exercise again.  No, I am not in NLXF yet, but I have gotten on the elliptical, taken some long walks, and strength trained a little.  I honestly believe it has helped relieve some of my stiffness.  I have also began using Young Living Aroma Life essential oil to help alleviate my stiffness.  I rub 3 drops of it at the base of my skull once a day.  I have only been using it for a week so I am not sure if it is helping.  But, I know it won't hurt me so I figure I don't have anything to lose.

I am at the point in my recovery where a stranger would never know I had a stroke.  After speaking to me and making eye contact, they would probably notice my off-centered eye and prism on my lens.  But, for the most part, I don't even think most people notice it.  I am still self-conscious about it though.  I am so mad that I am.  I had a stroke in my brainstem while pregnant, delivered a healthy baby, and take care of four kids daily.  I should be proud of myself and rock whatever deficits I have.  Unfortunately, that is easier to say than do.

I don't feel sick because all of my deficits are just annoyances at this point.  But, I don't feel normal. Why?  Being normal to me means that I am able to do everything I used to do or the restrictions that I have are made by choice.  I am forced to wear glasses because my double vision cannot be corrected with contacts.  I HATE wearing glasses.  Wearing glasses is out of my control and it is the number one reason why I do not feel normal.  They are also a constant, scary reminder of what happened to me.  On top of that, I cannot exercise how I used to.  My body, nor my confidence, is ready for NLXF.  That is a choice I am making so even though it makes me sad, it doesn't frustrate me.  Being unable to run is extremely discouraging.  Yes, I can't run to lose weight, but even more depressing is that I can't run with my children.  I can't play ball with them, play tag, give them underdogs on the swings, or teach them how to ride their bikes.  I watch Patrick do all of this with them and I just pray and pray the entire time that I will get to that point again one day.

I still have many goals to reach in my recovery.  It is my hope that prayer and patience will continue to serve me well as I heal.

Cheers to another month that I have beaten my stroke!