NLXF Potluck: Adopt-A-Family Announcement

After having the pleasure of awarding another Do Better. Be Better. award, I was able to speak on behalf of the Adopt-A-Family program.  Below is my speech that was not caught on video.  And the gift I gave Downs was a Chicago Cubs bro tank.

I am not going to spend time talking about my stroke or my condition as I am sure many of you have already heard about it.  Plus, there are more important things to talk about.

 Exactly one year ago, I spoke at my first potluck since having my stroke.  10 days after that, I delivered Myah, our beautiful baby girl.  10 days from now, Myah will celebrate her first birthday and I will be undergoing eye muscle surgery to correct the double vision that still remains from my stroke.

 The last 17 1/2 months have been challenging.  Through it all, I have had many "why me" type of moments.  It is a very unusual and difficult place to be in--to try and figure out what the purpose of your life is.  I have really struggled to do that.

Until last December.  It was a Saturday night and we had just gotten the kids to bed.  I opened up Facebook and read the latest update of my friend whose son is battling cancer.  

And this is where the video picks up.

This is what can happen when a group of people that sweat together decide to Do Better. Be Better. Making 4 families lives a little brighter. #nlxf #adoptafamily
Posted by Nicki Johnson on Friday, March 27, 2015

First, you changed my life.  Then, you helped save my life.  Now, you are helping me change other people's lives.  Thank you Ryan Downs. 

Master of Distraction

I went to bed at 9:45 tonight.  I laid there, with my mind racing for 45 minutes, before I gave up on the idea of sleep.  

I had a long week of organizing everything that has become 'Do Better.  Be Better.'  The NLXF potluck speech and award, scholarship deadlines, selection committees, speeches, and award design, everything that is Adopt-A-Family.......plus I work full time and am a mother of four.  I am not complaining for all of the aforementioned are the greatest blessings.  I do, however, need to apologize to everyone involved in these efforts.  My GSD was over the top the last week and I am so sorry to cause you all stress.

It dawned on me tonight that I have become the master of distraction. If I am worried, stressed, or fearful about something going on in my life I dive head first into anything that will help me take my mind off of it.  I tuck the scary stuff away and consume myself with whatever will keep it stowed there the longest.  This week the lucky distraction was 'Do Better.  Be Better.'

What am I really worried about?  Eye muscle surgery.  Apparently way more worried than I was letting myself admit, considering I am sobbing as I write this.

My eye muscle surgery is on Tuesday.  This is an extremely common surgery and really is the best option to fix my eye and double vision.  Best case scenario is that my double vision would be completely corrected.  Worst case scenario is that I will still have slight double vision and will be able to have a lower strength prism ground in to my glasses so I no longer need to use the stick-on prism.  

I am most frightened by being put under.  All of my doctors, including my neurosurgeon, have agreed that the anesthesia will not harm me.  17 1/2 months ago I would have trusted in that. 17 1/2 months ago I believed without a doubt that everything in life would just work out.  My blind faith in life has been replaced by doubt.  That is a tough pill for me to swallow at times.

Tuesday also happens to be Myah's first birthday. I know she will not remember any of this and we have plans to celebrate her birthday earlier.  Myah's birth was beautiful and I want her first birthday to be just as special.  I am fearful that my eye surgery could ruin it for her.  Those of you that are parents may understand that reasoning.

But Myah is our lucky little girl.  Born on April 7 at 12:07 a.m., weighing 7 lbs. 7 oz.  The number 7 has great significance in the Bible.  I believe God sent us a message through all those sevens and I have to believe that is why April 7 happened to be the open date for my surgery.

I would appreciate a bit more luck though.  Prayers, wishing on stars, crossing your fingers, superstitions...whatever you all have, pull out all the stops please!

And here is to hoping that I can now return to bed with a clear mind and a little bit more peace about Tuesday than I had an hour ago.

The Importance of NLXF Adopt-A-Family

I began writing this post on Tuesday.  I had it nearly finished and ready to publish.  I wrote about how NLXF Adopt-A-Family was developed, the planning of the events, how well the events went, etc.  Then on Wednesday afternoon I had my eye muscle surgery consult and my thoughts about this post changed.  I deleted everything I wrote, even the title.  Who cares about how it was done?  We should all care about WHY it was done.

Wednesday I sat in the exam chair and listened in detail to the procedure they were going to perform on my eyes and all of the benefits and risks of it.  I realize that every surgery has risks, especially when you are being put under general anesthesia.  But those risks become so much more tangible and unpredictable when there is a preexisting condition to worry about.  As I sat there, I tried my best to reassure myself that they were doing their due diligence.  I succeeded in my efforts until the health screening portion of the appointment.

The questions were not out of the ordinary.  I had to give my entire health history (as I do at every new office) and answer the basic questions they ask everyone.  The nurse sat with her back to me at the computer and typed my answers as I recited them.  Soon she asked about my stroke; when it was and what caused it.  After I explained my condition, she abruptly stopped typing, turned in her chair, looked at me over the brim of her glasses, and said, "You are lucky.  You are REALLY lucky."  She paused and continued to gaze at me.  The emphasis of the word 'really' was so deliberate and the look in her eyes was so serious and full of emotion.  It shook me a little.

Do you have any idea how bone chilling that is to hear?  I know I am lucky.  I am lucky to be alive, let alone at 95% normal functioning.  But it never gets any easier to hear it from others, especially from medical professionals that know precisely how I should be because they have seen the other end of the spectrum.

I left the office terrified.  Why would I do this surgery when I am fine?  I can wear my prism, although not ideal, and carry on just as I always have the last 16 1/2 months.  Why would I risk it?  I was instantly transported back to the agonizing days after I was diagnosed with my cavernoma malformation.  The fear, worry, uncertainty....the list goes on and on.

I thought back to those early days on the ride home.  My family and I would have never made it through them without our army; the people in our lives that give us hope and strength when we can't find it within ourselves.  The people who open up their hearts and shine their light.

And that is precisely why NLXF Adopt-A-Family is important.  It is extremely difficult to navigate through an illness.  There are so many emotions to battle and it is a constant struggle to remain hopeful and faithful.  I will never be able to cure someone or prevent someone from becoming ill, but I sure as hell can help give them hope.  Or as Ryan Downs said to me, "even if it helps make one day of their lives a happier place, it's all worth it."  I do have the power to do that.  We all do.  

At this point we have had two fundraising events for Adopt-A-Family; a week one returners only gauntlet and the black light gauntlet.  Both were incredibly successful.  I cried happy tears after each of them.  I will never be able to adequately explain what it feels like to hear a room full of people scream, "Do Better.  Be Better." at the end of a workout or see hundreds of people in neon "Do Better.  Be Better." t-shirts.  My heart was full.  That feeling, that feeling right there, the one that is unexplainable, that is what I want to give people.  I am very excited about the future of this program and am even more thrilled to present the monetary donation to the families that have been nominated.

So, to sign off, I leave you with this:

My very first neurosurgeon told me that I was 'spared' in my first post-stroke appointment. I hate that word.  I prefer to say that God saved me so I could see the greater purpose for my life.  I believe that Adopt-A-Family and the other efforts we are undertaking are my purpose.  It's true; life isn't about what you are given, it's what you create, what you conquer and what you aim to achieve.

You can write your own story.  Write it with purpose.

KWWL Somone You Should Know

About two weeks after I had my stroke, I was asked if I would allow KWWL to feature me in their Someone You Should Know segment (SYSK).  I was deep in to my first week of therapy at Covenant rehabilitation.  I vividly remember just starting my PT session when my PT told me that the hospital had been contacted by the station.  She told me that they had heard of my story and seen my posts on Facebook and really wanted to share my story.  And then she asked, "so, what do you think?"

What did I think?

Instant panic and fear rushed through me.  Before she even finished explaining everything to me I had already decided that I wasn't going to do it.  I was terrified about being the center of attention; the camera, the spotlight, who was watching.  I was embarrassed about the way I looked.  Quite simply, I no longer had an ounce of confidence left.  Plus, everything that had happened was still so raw and fresh in my mind that I didn't think I was ready to handle it emotionally.  It is much easier to sit behind my iPad and write than it is to speak of my story sometimes, especially in the beginning.  When I write I take my time, cry as much as I want, and I never have to worry about forgetting something important.  I never gave it more than 15 seconds of thought and I regretted it.

But, I got another chance.  Shortly after I had Myah, KCRG contacted me and asked to do a segment on me.  Once again, I turned them down.  Even though I regretted my decision months prior to that, I still wasn't ready.  I just wasn't.

Then, last Tuesday night, Ryan Downs, owner of Next Level Extreme Fitness, messaged me and told me that he had nominated me for the SYSK segment and that Ashley Davis, from KWWL, would be calling me on Wednesday.  Patrick and I had just put the girls down and had just sat down to watch some TV.  My reaction?  All I said was,"oh shit."  I panicked again.  My heart instantly started racing.  The first thing I wanted to do was say thanks, but no thanks.  Instead, feeling the peer pressure, I expressed how nervous I already was for it and how honored I was by the nomination.  He replied with, "Don't be nervous :) because I am making you do it!"  For those of you that know Downs you can totally picture that, right?  ;)

The next day I was still undecided as to whether I was going to agree to the interview.  I was terrified, but I ultimately determined that I could not let my fears stop me from experiencing life or from helping others.  I do not know what my future holds for me and I want my kids to remember me as I am now.  This segment was the perfect avenue to show them that.  In addition, if there is someone out there that can be helped by my story, I want to help them.  I figured God was giving me a pretty big nudge to do this considering this was the third time that I had been asked.  I have to let those nudges guide me more often than I do.

Ashley and I set up an interview date for Friday.  She was going to film me at the 4:30 p.m. NLXF gauntlet, interview Downs, and then come over to our home to film us as a family and interview Patrick and I.  The entire day I was so nervous I was sick.  Upset tummy, racing heart, couldn't eat; just an absolute hot mess.  My Dad and Mom met me at home before workout because they were going to help pick up the kids from school, feed them supper, and entertain them throughout the night.  Seeing them, plus a few silly snap chats from friends, helped calm me a bit before class.

Once I got to the gym, I was nervous all over again.  But Patrick and my close group of friends arrived shortly after I did and it turned in to just another day.  Ashley arrived around 5 p.m. and filmed the remainder of class.  IT WAS A HARD CLASS!!  The clocks had been taken off the walls and there was no drink break.  Typical week 5 gauntlet.

After class Patrick and I rushed home, showered, ate, and helped my parents get the girls ready.  Ashley arrived around 6:30 and away we went. Surprisingly, I wasn't nervous.  I am not sure if it was because I had used up all of my nerves throughout the day, or that I was on a workout high, that Ashley was awesome, or I was simply comfortable being in our home with our girls and my parents.  It was definitely weird trying to act normal with a camera set up in the corner of our living room!

Ashley stayed for two hours.  She was exceptional.  The kids became her best friends instantly and she was so laid back that it put us at ease too.  During her time at the house she filmed us as a family and interviewed Patrick and I.  We talked about everything: the week of my stroke, rehab, Myah's pregnancy and birth, my blog, the Do Better.  Be Better. motto, the benefit, color run, and scholarship, NLXF Adopt-A-Family, Patrick's perspective, how much we love our army, how grateful we are for NLXF, Downs, the trainers, and the people of NLXF, and what I have learned and how I have changed.  15 1/2 months rolled up in to two hours of video.  There was so much to explain that I just kept saying, "I feel like I am just rambling!"  I have absolutely no idea how she edited all of that footage to 2 minutes.  But she did, and it was perfect.

My parents left shortly after Ashley.  They gave all of us hugs and complemented us on how well we had done.  They expressed how proud they were of us and how excited they were to see it.  I was so grateful to have them there.  Not just because it was so helpful to have them help with the girls, but I wanted them to see us, see me, tell my story.  I wanted them to hear it all.  I wanted them to go through this experience with me.

After they left, we put the girls to bed.  Later that night, Ashley posted her promo of our segment to Facebook.  We literally watched it 20 times.  I am not ashamed to admit that.  We were on a high.  We couldn't sleep.  Did I say the right thing?....I should have said this instead.  Neither Patrick or I could believe that we had just been interviewed and that we were going to be on TV.  How did this happen?  I always joke that it wasn't part of the original life plan to have a stroke, a blog, benefits and fundraisers, a scholarship, an organization, or lead up the Adopt-A-Family program.  This is uncharted waters for us.  But it happened, and we are living it, and sometimes the best things in life are unplanned.

Sunday came quickly.  That day Ashley tweeted and shared our story on Facebook.  KWWL also posted our story to their Facebook page.  It was liked 1,292 times, shared 93 times, and had 32 comments.  And Twitter too!...I actually set up a Twitter account over the weekend so I could see it all.  Ashley also shared some other pictures we took that night. ;-)  Jaelyn insisted that we take a funny family picture.  And Patrick insisted on sending our friends a picture of him in Ashley's KWWL coat.  

We DVR'd every news broadcast.  My heart beat so forcefully as I watched the 5pm promo that I am sure you could see it through my chest.  It is very strange to watch yourself on TV.  I critiqued everything I said and did the first few times I watched.  My mom called immediately after it aired, explaining that it looked great and that they were excited to see the rest.  After we hung up, we had the girls come in to the living room and watch it with us.  They all immediately starting screaming, "there's Mommy!" and then, "that's me!" as they saw themselves.  We had told them that Ashley was at our house to make a movie project for us as I had just completed a project for my brother and sister.  We didn't know how they would behave on Friday night if they knew it was for TV; they tend to get a little shy with that type of stuff.  So, they were very surprised to see themselves on TV.

We didn't let the girls stay up for the 10 pm broadcast.  I wasn't nearly as nervous watching it.  I watched the TV, seeing and knowing it was me...us....our family....my story, but being in complete disbelief that it actually was me and my story.  As I have said a million times before, I still cannot believe that any of this has happened.  Patrick and I even chuckled a little when the news anchor switched the Do Better.  Be Better. motto around at the end of the segment.  We may have watched it a few times. ;-)

The next morning, we got the girls ready and watched it with them.  They were still just as excited to see themselves and even more excited to see their new friend, Ashley.  It was really quite cute.

 Read the article by clicking here!   

KWWL Someone You Should Know: Jamie Smith

From Friday night to Monday night, my phone was crazy.  I had so many text messages, Facebook notifications, and phone calls.  Monday at school was fun too.  My students got a kick out of seeing me on TV and it was really neat to have a conversation with them about it.  And my coworkers gave me a round of applause at our faculty meeting.  The love and support we received from everyone was truly overwhelming.  It was just another testament to how instrumental all of you are to my recovery--scratch that--to our lives.

So how do I feel about this experience?  Grateful, lucky, and blessed.  I am once again indebted to Ryan Downs for nominating me for this and "forcing" me to do it.  I am extremely appreciative to Ashley for her professionalism and positive demeanor.  I absolutely loved the story and we will cherish it forever.  I am blessed to have family that help us at the drop of a hat and lucky to have friends that will switch their day around to come support me through a workout, or send me hilarious snap chats, and encouraging and supportive messages.  I am proud of myself for overcoming all of my fears from day one to now.

Most importantly, I am grateful that God has helped me find my way.  He has given me the ability and strength to recover.  He has protected our family.  He has put people in our lives that are His angels on Earth.  And finally, I am grateful that He continues to give me the gentle nudges that guide me to do His work.

This entire experience was definitely one for the memory books.

 

 

Fight Back with Joy

There are many times in a day that I think to myself, "I would have never made it through all of this without _____."  That blank is filled by many things, but almost always it is filled by either my family or my friends.  The amount of kindness and encouragement I have been given and continue to receive is immeasurable.  Nearly everyday I have someone tell me they are praying for me, or I have a nice email, message, or post on my wall, or am simply welcomed by a huge smile, happy hello, and a warm hug by those around me.

I am also constantly asked how I continue to be strong, positive, and happy.  That answer is easy.

I AM because of YOU.

Reread my first paragraph.  It is impossible to feel Void of joy with what I encounter on a daily basis.

All of the messages I get are game changers for me.  Some inspire me, some motivate me, some teach me, and some make me feel like my heart could burst.  And some just click.

I was sent an email yesterday from one of my friends that said the following:

I love this author, and reading it made me instantly think of you. You fight everyday with joy and hope. You have taught us all so much.

http://www.shaunaniequist.com/fight-back-joy/

The words in her email alone made me tear up.  It is still unfathomable to me that people tell me that they learn from me.  Shoot, half the time I feel like I am barely holding on.  Like I am a floating bubble ready to pop at any minute. 

The link sent me to the blog of author, Sahuna Niequist.  The blog post was about a book entitled, Fight Back With Joy, written by her close friend, Margaret Feinberg.  Margaret is currently battling cancer.  An excerpt of the book follows a brief introduction of their friendship and Margaret's history.

Tears slowly fell as I read it.  I was emotional because I could relate on so many levels; right down to her explaining about how her husband could read her eyes.  And then as I continued to read it, something clicked.  Here are bits and pieces of what I found as my learning moment:    

It’s one thing to hunt for joy in the relatively good times of life, but to squint for it in the dark shadows. No one signs up for that assignment. No one.

......sooner or later we all find ourselves on the battlefield.

Sometimes you choose the fight. Sometimes the fight chooses you.

......All who find themselves in a confrontation—one they choose or one that is thrust upon them—face an important choice: What will you choose for weaponry?

.....We can choose to fight back with the crossbow of cynicism or sling arrows of spite. Like a throwing star, we may choose sharp complaints. Like a whip, we may attempt to control every little detail. Or perhaps, like me, a natural lover more than fighter, you’re drawn to the circular shield of denial and withdrawal.

 .....When it comes to the fights of life, we need joy to be our companion. 

I didn't choose this fight.  This fight definitely chose me.  But I did chose the weaponry of joy.  Actually, joy found me.  More so, joy is given to me.

Patrick gives me joy every minute of every day.  I feel it each time he tells me that I am strong and thanks me for fighting back and staying with him.   He gives me joy in the many ways he shows true selflessness for my well-being.  And there is no greater joy in the world than watching him be a father to our daughters.  The highlight of my day is watching the reaction of the girls when he gets home.  The big three race to the door, screaming Daddy at the top of their lungs, and about knock him over with the force of their hugs as he enters our home.  All the while, Myah crawls as fast as she can right behind them, stops, sits down, and claps and giggles until he picks her up.  That is the definition of joy.

My daughters each give me joy in their own ways.  Seeri in the way that she cares for and helps others.  Jaelyn through her spunk and zest for life.  Linden with her big smile and sweet "I love you's."  And Myah with her constant need to just BE with me.  They give me joy when they tell me to put a band-aid on my head so I can get better; ah, their innocence is beautiful.  Their hugs, their smiles, their silly faces; they just make me want to burst with joy.

My parents give me joy every time they tell me they are proud of me and in the ways that they still take care of their little girl.  My entire family gives me joy by pursuing their dreams and happiness; getting married, having babies, excelling in their careers and interests.  They are a powerful example of what it means to fight through the shadows and find a light.  They are always by our sides encouraging and supporting us.  We are never alone because of all of them.

My friends give me joy through the continual thoughtfulness and kindness they extend to me and my family.  If I embark on a new endeavor, they are always there to support me.  If I feel ill, they check-up on me.  If I am sad, they listen.  If I am happy, they celebrate with me.  They are more than friends.  They are family.

So, what is my weaponry in this fight?

The JOY that YOU ALL give me.

Thank you.

Taking Faith to the Next Level: Cailee Jo

On Monday morning, our summer nanny and dear friend, Cailee Jo, presented her senior chapel address at Wartburg College.  Her topic of discussion was about taking faith to the next level.  She had asked me if she could speak of her experience with us in her message.  I said yes without hesitation.

That morning she had emailed Patrick and I her speech.  I bawled as I read it.  The service had been uploaded to Knight Vision by lunch.  Patrick and I sat and watched it over our lunch break.  Please watch below.  It is the second one from the top and she begins her message at about the 17:50 minute marker.

Cailee Jo's Senior Chapel

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched her speak.  It was one thing to read her words, but to watch her interject her caring voice and positive and confident demeanor was just breathtaking.  I was so proud of her for speaking such wise words at a young age.  She made me feel honored, comforted, reassured, and hopeful all in the same breath.  Quite simply, I felt God's presence by my side as I watched with Patrick.  Like He was standing right there with us with His hands on our shoulders.    

I have spoken and written about my stroke many times.  But it is an entirely different experience to listen to others speak about it--how they reacted when they heard about it, how they view my recovery, what they have learned--it truly overwhelms me.

Sometimes I am apologetic when I hear these things.  I feel sorry for making them all so scared and worried and I struggle to hold back emotion because my heart aches for them.  It is almost suffocating in a way. All I want to do is comfort them but I can't because I am the reason they are hurting in the first place.  It is a very unique and confusing position to be in.

Other times, I feel really, really, freaking lucky.  When it all went down (my new summative phrase for the ER night) I was just focused on Myah and her safety.  I never really gave myself time to think about how serious it was for me.  To hear the story from other peoples perspective sheds a whole new light on that night.  I don't let myself think about it for too long because it is terrifying.

Most of the time I feel humbled, flattered, and honored.  It will never cease to amaze me how deeply beautiful and kind many people are.  I am constantly lifted up and shown hope and strength because of the graciousness I receive from others.  It is astounding what positive support and encouragement can do for a person.  

All the time, though, I am in complete disbelief.  I can't believe I had stroke and all the deficits and recovery that came with it.  I can't believe I was pregnant when it happened and have since delivered a healthy, happy, and beautiful little lady.  I can't believe I have been honored with an award, a benefit, a color run, scholarships, and a foundation.

I can't believe this is my life.

BUT, I LOVE IT.

When Patrick and I finished watching Cailee, I hugged him and we cried.  After awhile, he managed to ask me if I ever thought I would be the subject of Wartburg Chapel.  My response:  I can't believe a lot of things anymore.  How can I?  This all can't be real.  It is mind boggling to me.

But it is real and I learn something from it everyday.  As I watched Cailee, her convictions about faith touched me.  But the following is what inspired me (taken from Motivational Grid):

“You can always come up with an excuse why you can’t do [or believe in] something. And you can say ‘I’m going to wait for the conditions to be perfect before I go out [or believe in this]. The conditions are never perfect. If you wait for the conditions to be perfect, to make your dream a reality, [to truly believe in something], then you’re going to be sitting on your dream for the rest of your life. If you want something, go get it. [Believe in it.]”

“Ignore the non-believers. If you have an idea, you’re going to have people in your life who are doubters. Who don’t believe in what you’re doing. Who will tell you to do the safe thing, the smart thing…that your dream [or belief] is just not possible [or right]. All you get hit with is negativity. People saying ‘no, no, no, no, no’ and telling you all the reasons why it’s not going to work out. And it’s so dangerous, because you have a little bit of doubt yourself. And if all you hear is no, and all you see is darkness around you, at some point, this is where a lot of people fall down. Because what happens is you start believing in other people and what their saying more than you believe in yourself [and what you believe]. And you end up quitting. You stopped believing in yourself and you started believing the doubters.” 

And to finish this post there is nothing better than these words from Cailee herself:

I encourage you to stop asking the questions of “why me” and “why now”.

Instead, remember those from the past and those around you who have changed these questions into “how can you use me because of this?”: people like Samson, Gideon, Sarah, Moses, Noah, and Jamie Smith.

Ask yourself “what do I believe” and remember the promises that God gives us.

Make your faith personal.

Believe in you---not the doubters.    

Do better. Be better.

And take your faith to the next level.

Why Me? vs. Why Me?: Giving Back

I have a clever friend who always like to define words to make a point in conversation.  It sounds silly, but it always brings a smile to my face.  I thought I would take a cue from him for this post.  

why

adverb \ˈhwī, ˈwī\

for what cause, reason or purpose

Why.  This word has become my most single hated word in the English language.  It is predominately used to ask a question:  Why is?  Why does, did, didn't?  Why have?  Why not?

Why me?

Why me?  It is nearly impossible to refrain from asking this question when tragedy strikes.  It is a natural reaction and it is damaging when asked too often.  Have I looked up to the sky or closed my eyes really tight in frustration or worry and asked 'why me?' in the last fourteen months?  

Absolutely.

Why did I have a stroke?  Why do I have a rare brain condition?  Why did it effect my vision?  Why did it happen at such a young age?  Why do I have permanent deficits?

Why did it happen to me?

It took me awhile to realize that the above question is completely selfish and awful to ask.  By asking it, I am inadvertently inferring that I wish it would have happened to someone else.  That is the last thing I would EVER wish for.  Plus, no matter how many times I ask the 'why' questions the answers to them never change.  They are fixed.    

So instead I have tried to ask 'why me?' in a different context.  As in, why have YOU chosen ME?  When I ask the question this way, my stroke, my condition, and my recovery become purposeful.  I find myself asking 'what can I do?' and 'how can I help?' much more often. 

My focus when I had my stroke was solely on surviving, recovering, and delivering Myah safely.  Once Myah arrived I became consumed with trying to decide whether I should have brain surgery.  In the midst of all of this, I was approached about the golf benefit, color run, scholarships, and the Do Better.  Be Better. Foundation.  I wasn't ready for all of that at that time.  Shortly after this initial meeting I found out that I was not a candidate for surgery.  I could finally move on.  Looking back, that meeting and those events sparked something in me.  I owe a huge thank you to Justin Urbanek, Kelli Snyder, my graduating class, Dunkerton Schools, and Cedar Falls Schools for lighting that fire.  

Over the last few months there have been more and more families that have been overcome with medical emergencies in our community.  I want to help.  And not only do I want to, but I feel like I am being called to.  Almost like maybe this was God's plan for me--like this is why I had my stroke.

I am finally ready.  Patrick and I are taking the leap and creating the Do Better.  Be Better.  Foundation instead of piggybacking with Cedar Falls Schools and Dunkerton Schools like we initially planned.  Our research on foundations thus far frightens us.  It is quite the undertaking that involves a lot of lingo that is way above my head.  We have some early plans in the works and I am extremely excited about this new road that my journey has produced. 

Maybe this foundation is what I have been aiming for.  Maybe it is my answer to the infamous 'why me?' question.  Maybe this is how I truly beat my stroke.  This is for sure how I shine my light and repay all of you for all the kindness you have shown me.  

This is how I can do better.  This is how I can be better.