I do not have much to write about immediate recovery. I remember a total of five things from the four days following my surgery. I have no recollection of when all the memories actually occurred or how long they each lasted. It was like I was in a time warp when I was awake. I probably should describe awake more like drifting in and out of consciousness.
The first thing I remember is throwing up….A LOT. I am pretty sure that I woke up from a dead sleep and just let it rip. But even though I was puking, I remember sensing that I felt great. I was very foggy but I was aware enough to know that I didn’t have a headache and I obviously wasn’t intubated.
The next thing I remember is Patrick. Before I went into surgery he had asked me how he would best know that I was okay. My answer was less than helpful as I said that it would be entirely dependent on what I was capable of saying or doing. I have never told him this, but I had decided to surprise him by showing him our ‘I love you’ sign that we always share with each other and our girls.
I vaguely remember feeling something brush my right hand. I struggled to open my eyes but when I did I immediately recognized Patrick’s silhouette. It was very dark and he looked more like a shadow. I raised my right hand and signed ‘I love you.’ I could see my hand infront of me and I remember feeling happy that it had listened to my brain's command.
I heard Patrick gasp and say “I love you too” as he leaned down towards me. I do not remember if he hugged or kissed me or said anything after that. All I recall is feeling grateful that I was able to show him that I was still me. In that moment I knew that God had listened to me and my army and that I was going to have the chance to live the life I dreamed of.
After that, I remember my parents, Nathan, and Angie. My parents were together and Nathan and Angie were together. I remember them all announcing that they were there, but nothing else. I am not even sure if I opened my eyes to see them.
I also remember needing to go to the bathroom and telling myself to go because I for sure had a catheter. Except, my next memory is calling for Patrick to go to the bathroom and having Angie answer my call instead. The nurses came in and tried to get a bedpan under me. This is when I realized that I probably peed the bed before. Otherwise why would I have needed a bedpan? Feel free to laugh……
But this story is important because it was my next indicator that I was okay. I was super uncomfortable trying to maneuver myself into the position they needed me to be in. I remember thinking that my nurse sounded like the character in the movie, “Incredibles”, that makes their superhero suits. All kidding aside, it was during this time of movement that I realized I could move everything. I could feel everything. Want to know what I could feel the most? MY NECK. Holy Moses. It was so stiff and sore. It was like I couldn’t support the weight of my head. BUT, I DID NOT have a headache AND I was thinking like me.
After a few attempts, I asked the nurses if I could try to get up and go to the bathroom. Their response was filled with shock, but they agreed. They helped me sit up, gather my bearings, and held me on each side as I took a few steps to the mobile toilet. I don’t remember going to the bathroom or getting back in bed, but I do remember thanking God that I could walk.
My next memory is of my parents leaving. I remember opening my eyes and seeing a bright light, like sunlight, which was different from before when I opened my eyes and it was very dark. I was only conscious enough to hear my mom say that they were leaving.
The next thing I remember is hearing a woman’s voice ask me if I wanted to shower today. I said yes without hesitation. But I also recall thinking, what day is it? What do you mean, shower today? How many days has it been since I showered? I could sense though, without even asking, that it must have been a while. I felt disgusting. A shower sounded like heaven.
After that, I was wide awake and completely cognisant of my surroundings. As far as I knew, this was day one of recovery. I had no idea that four days had already passed.
What did I know? That I felt GREAT. That my prayers had been answered. That all my daydreaming of having a happy future were a possibility. The only things I had left to do now was work my butt off to make it happen and enjoy it while it came to fruition.
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