Taking Faith to the Next Level: Cailee Jo

On Monday morning, our summer nanny and dear friend, Cailee Jo, presented her senior chapel address at Wartburg College.  Her topic of discussion was about taking faith to the next level.  She had asked me if she could speak of her experience with us in her message.  I said yes without hesitation.

That morning she had emailed Patrick and I her speech.  I bawled as I read it.  The service had been uploaded to Knight Vision by lunch.  Patrick and I sat and watched it over our lunch break.  Please watch below.  It is the second one from the top and she begins her message at about the 17:50 minute marker.

Cailee Jo's Senior Chapel

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched her speak.  It was one thing to read her words, but to watch her interject her caring voice and positive and confident demeanor was just breathtaking.  I was so proud of her for speaking such wise words at a young age.  She made me feel honored, comforted, reassured, and hopeful all in the same breath.  Quite simply, I felt God's presence by my side as I watched with Patrick.  Like He was standing right there with us with His hands on our shoulders.    

I have spoken and written about my stroke many times.  But it is an entirely different experience to listen to others speak about it--how they reacted when they heard about it, how they view my recovery, what they have learned--it truly overwhelms me.

Sometimes I am apologetic when I hear these things.  I feel sorry for making them all so scared and worried and I struggle to hold back emotion because my heart aches for them.  It is almost suffocating in a way. All I want to do is comfort them but I can't because I am the reason they are hurting in the first place.  It is a very unique and confusing position to be in.

Other times, I feel really, really, freaking lucky.  When it all went down (my new summative phrase for the ER night) I was just focused on Myah and her safety.  I never really gave myself time to think about how serious it was for me.  To hear the story from other peoples perspective sheds a whole new light on that night.  I don't let myself think about it for too long because it is terrifying.

Most of the time I feel humbled, flattered, and honored.  It will never cease to amaze me how deeply beautiful and kind many people are.  I am constantly lifted up and shown hope and strength because of the graciousness I receive from others.  It is astounding what positive support and encouragement can do for a person.  

All the time, though, I am in complete disbelief.  I can't believe I had stroke and all the deficits and recovery that came with it.  I can't believe I was pregnant when it happened and have since delivered a healthy, happy, and beautiful little lady.  I can't believe I have been honored with an award, a benefit, a color run, scholarships, and a foundation.

I can't believe this is my life.

BUT, I LOVE IT.

When Patrick and I finished watching Cailee, I hugged him and we cried.  After awhile, he managed to ask me if I ever thought I would be the subject of Wartburg Chapel.  My response:  I can't believe a lot of things anymore.  How can I?  This all can't be real.  It is mind boggling to me.

But it is real and I learn something from it everyday.  As I watched Cailee, her convictions about faith touched me.  But the following is what inspired me (taken from Motivational Grid):

“You can always come up with an excuse why you can’t do [or believe in] something. And you can say ‘I’m going to wait for the conditions to be perfect before I go out [or believe in this]. The conditions are never perfect. If you wait for the conditions to be perfect, to make your dream a reality, [to truly believe in something], then you’re going to be sitting on your dream for the rest of your life. If you want something, go get it. [Believe in it.]”

“Ignore the non-believers. If you have an idea, you’re going to have people in your life who are doubters. Who don’t believe in what you’re doing. Who will tell you to do the safe thing, the smart thing…that your dream [or belief] is just not possible [or right]. All you get hit with is negativity. People saying ‘no, no, no, no, no’ and telling you all the reasons why it’s not going to work out. And it’s so dangerous, because you have a little bit of doubt yourself. And if all you hear is no, and all you see is darkness around you, at some point, this is where a lot of people fall down. Because what happens is you start believing in other people and what their saying more than you believe in yourself [and what you believe]. And you end up quitting. You stopped believing in yourself and you started believing the doubters.” 

And to finish this post there is nothing better than these words from Cailee herself:

I encourage you to stop asking the questions of “why me” and “why now”.

Instead, remember those from the past and those around you who have changed these questions into “how can you use me because of this?”: people like Samson, Gideon, Sarah, Moses, Noah, and Jamie Smith.

Ask yourself “what do I believe” and remember the promises that God gives us.

Make your faith personal.

Believe in you---not the doubters.    

Do better. Be better.

And take your faith to the next level.